A Good Yarn

The art of telling a good yarn is tricky and elusive. There seems to be something of a pattern to conversation which I can only describe as "yarn etiquette". Yarn etiquette does not follow the conventional rules of table talk for dinner parties (such as one might expect in British aristocracy) rather, the Yarn is reserved for the Australian table.

While yarn telling varies with different groups in the city and the country there are some universal (and by universal I mean universally Australian) traits that accompany a dinner party "yarn-fest".

One must realise that Yarns are first and foremost nostalgic treks. They are events that have been eroded by time (and selective memory) and form a funny, scary, useful (but not always relevant) story.

The more outrageous the event - the better the Yarn.

As one moves around in society, one becomes acquainted with the polite segway to the Yarn itself. A yarn must never be attempted until proper introduction is made.

First, one must find a connection, or appear to find a connection, with the current conversation (relevance is relative here, a tenuous link will suffice).

Second, begin the Yarn with the line "I remember when...."

* it is important to note that when in the company of people who may recollect the same event with more accuracy, it is appropriate to alter the line to "Do you remember when....?"

Third, when recounting embarrassing stories about others, be sure to give a name. Everyone knows that a story about "a friend" is always a reference to one-self.

Fourth, hand gestures are essential to getting one's point across. Bigger gestures are better and add to the overall impact of the Yarn.

Fifth, at the end of the Yarn repetition can be used in two situations,

1. If the crowd responds well, repetition of the key points of the Yarn can help one relive the moment of Good Yarn Glory


2. If the response is not quite what one expects, repetition followed by explanation may be employed to help the crowd understand why this was a good yarn and deserves more than it got....

Sixth, a good yarn will lead to a "yarn-fest" (a swapping extravaganza of yarns). This fest ends when someone (this person exists in every crowd) tells a yarn that is inappropriate, not funny or fails to obey yarn etiquette (as laid out previously).

By following these simple and basic rules, one will be equipped to participate in any conversation that occurs around the dinner table, bbq or afternoon tea.